Innocent promotional gimmick revealed as part of dark lord's twisted plot...
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Ever heard that excuse before? Well, it's that same one that Sony offered after enlisting the services of a David Manning, a small town film critic with a big heart. Or so they thought.
Manning, who mysteriously never showed his face nor voiced a word over the phone to the corporate megalith, nevertheless managed to find his exhortations of several 'blockbuster' films placed front and center on their posters and other promotional advertisements. Sure, it seemed great at the time. It didn't matter who this grass roots everyman was, or why he never came to invited Hollywood functions--he was the voice of America, the heartbeat of his generation. All that mattered was that he thought Ben Affleck was "A powerful reminder of what manhood is all about" (from review of Daredevil), and that "Nicholas Cage redefines the close-up in this stirring modern fairy tale" (from review of City of Angels).
But all fairy tales must come to an end, and as the Brothers Grimm showed us, it isn't always a good one. It wasn't until the law suit came about that people started to honestly pose questions about Manning's identity. First the Ridgefield Press denied having an employee by that name. Then, post dates revealed that Manning's reviews were being sent to Sony pictures days, sometimes even weeks before their respective films' release dates. Eventually, the feds became involved. It was then that in one of the Pentagon's secret laboratories, Manning's true identity was revealed:
David Manning = Damning D Vain = Maddning Diva = I am Lord Voldemort
There was an immediate attempt to suppress the truth, but the truth always comes out in the end. And that is very much what we are facing. By this time, muggles and wizarding kind both know the mind of this maniacal warlock. His maverick attempts at thrusting his pureblood brethren into the public eye by masquerading them as 'hot young stars' of the silver screen can only mean one thing: He has returned to full strength and is amassing an army the likes of which hasn't been seen since the WB launched their last season's pilots. It is exactly as the prophecy predicted--death by pretty boy. And the sad thing is, as these two hapless Californians found just a few short years ago, that we are all lining up, chests out, to take our spells.
Ever heard that excuse before? Well, it's that same one that Sony offered after enlisting the services of a David Manning, a small town film critic with a big heart. Or so they thought.
Manning, who mysteriously never showed his face nor voiced a word over the phone to the corporate megalith, nevertheless managed to find his exhortations of several 'blockbuster' films placed front and center on their posters and other promotional advertisements. Sure, it seemed great at the time. It didn't matter who this grass roots everyman was, or why he never came to invited Hollywood functions--he was the voice of America, the heartbeat of his generation. All that mattered was that he thought Ben Affleck was "A powerful reminder of what manhood is all about" (from review of Daredevil), and that "Nicholas Cage redefines the close-up in this stirring modern fairy tale" (from review of City of Angels).
But all fairy tales must come to an end, and as the Brothers Grimm showed us, it isn't always a good one. It wasn't until the law suit came about that people started to honestly pose questions about Manning's identity. First the Ridgefield Press denied having an employee by that name. Then, post dates revealed that Manning's reviews were being sent to Sony pictures days, sometimes even weeks before their respective films' release dates. Eventually, the feds became involved. It was then that in one of the Pentagon's secret laboratories, Manning's true identity was revealed:
David Manning = Damning D Vain = Maddning Diva = I am Lord Voldemort
There was an immediate attempt to suppress the truth, but the truth always comes out in the end. And that is very much what we are facing. By this time, muggles and wizarding kind both know the mind of this maniacal warlock. His maverick attempts at thrusting his pureblood brethren into the public eye by masquerading them as 'hot young stars' of the silver screen can only mean one thing: He has returned to full strength and is amassing an army the likes of which hasn't been seen since the WB launched their last season's pilots. It is exactly as the prophecy predicted--death by pretty boy. And the sad thing is, as these two hapless Californians found just a few short years ago, that we are all lining up, chests out, to take our spells.
posted by Master of None at 8:30 AM
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