Revenge--the one regrettable behavior we can ALL still agree upon...

That's it--I'm oficially homeschooling my not even soon to be born children.
The socialization process in this country is a brutal, biased, bigoted, blasphemous, bucket of stench. We have a warped sense of what is noble, remarkable, noteworthy, beautiful, progressive, heroic, prophetic, praiseworthy and memorable.
We raise up at best mildly talented youngsters as pop icons whose greatest talent is their unblemishing ability to remove their clothing and pose in front of a camera.
We Elevate our 'professional' atheletes, giving them great media attention, vast sums of money, and nearly everything they ask for beyond, but are surprised when they take drugs and wreck their homes (at which point we swoop down upon them and feast upon their entrails like winged mythological monsters).
We discard children that are 'difficult' or 'loners' and celebrate those that are wired to excel and succeed, who have large deposits of physical beauty, charisma, charm, or familial wealth, then we forgive them their failures and eccentricities later in life when they have cememted themselves in the Walk of Fame in their chosen fields (or we swoop down upon them and feast upon their entrails like winged mythological monsters).
We sit in front of computers and television sets from early in the day until late in the evening.
We invest ourselves fully in the temporary, the transitory, the ephemeral, the incomplete.

I admit it. I can be sucked into all of those things, too.
That's why I'm going to create a micro-race of people who are sheltered from ignorance, because I will not deny them knowledge or truth, nor will I cloud their brains with pointless ideas and imagery to dilute or dissuade them from the pursuit of knowledge and truth.
I will protect them from hatred and discompassion, at least until they are old enough to know their enemies and meet them on an even playing field.
I will not send a child to sit in a room full of 30 other children who, for half the day will sit in front of computer screens (and/or something worse--angry tenured teachers), and for the other half will vie for esteem and identity in a big Darwinian social miasma of routine activities.
Do you know where I spent most of my (free...) time in High School? Under the stair landing in the library. Why? Because children abuse one another. Why? For just about everything and also for almost no reason at all. Do you understand why I wonder that the main criticism people have for my decision to home school is the LACK of socialization that my children will receive?
Don't worry, though. I won't undereducate my children. They will learn about Evolution. They will learn that politicians evolved from apes, and that that is why they seem so adept at mudslinging. I will play sports with my children, only I will pick them first as my teammates so that they do not start out feeling rejected and mistrusted. (I found that those feelings can prevent some fabulous displays of athletic prowess. I had a few of my own, long after the sulphuric glow of grade school had passed). We will have conversations so that they can master the English language early on, but we will still go to fast food restaurants and megastores so that they can also learn to understand the language that most of the rest of the country speaks. I will definitely start them on a foreign language before the age of, say, 14, when the brain is not especially receptive to thinking in a whole different code.
I'll even teach them Math by letting them go through a grocery store and having them pick out the best deals per ounce and explaining why, then paying the cashier and telling them how much change is required when they sit confused over the register as they often do. Beyond that, unless my child demands it, I don't think I'll teach them math.
These are just a few of the exciting things that await my children. We will be accepting applications starting late next Fall. Please, no phone calls.