Repression, Confession, Digression, a lesson...

So, I have this friend back home. She has known me for awhile. We stay in touch. In a way, I saw her grow up, and she me, I suppose. Anyway, this friend has proven a link to many other friends of mine that I made along the way through college (not surprising, coming from a smallish town and an even smaller community of artists within--she probably knows people I don't know that she knows and wouldn't know to tell me because she has no way of knowing we know one another, you know). Anyway, after a succession of emails on the subject of 'hey, remember Eric' or something along those lines from her, I feel compelled to offer this public unbosoming:

No, I am not or was not homosexual nor bisexual in tendency. I wasn't even particularly heterosexual. I kept trying to tell people that. I even did a poem about it. It was rather well received, but if you weren't at the Back Room that night, you might not have realized, and I don't fault anyone for that. It was crowded and claustrophobic and smelled like dog carcass soaked in Jack Daniels.
Yes, I acknowledge things got weird sometimes. I had a tendency to fall in love (or so I thought) with lesbians and married women. This is probably a healthy portion of the reason why I couldn't reasonably claim any sexuality, and you know, I don't regret that.
[A note. I always felt inclinations alone were not a determination of your sexuality. I've had inclinations to rob a bank before, but that doesn't make me Bonnie OR Clyde].
Yes, I understand that I was not careful with other people's emotions. As a way of explanation (and not excuse), I grew up very introverted, very self-conscious, troubled you might say. Anyway, through acting, I found a way to deal with life through the back door, and eventually, learned how to connect with people . When I started doing that, I really enjoyed the process, and I gave plenty of people more attention than they were likely used to, just as certain people had done with me on occasion in my younger days, and I got all messed up over it, too. Note to all--if you realize (or don't, even) that someone is really into you, DO NOT kiss them. Don't kiss anyone. No kissing. Lips off. It just snowballs their emotions and makes things, ultimately, much less friendly. I've done this. It's been done to me. Instead, hold public debates on the likelihood of your relationship progressing. If it is deemed as forward moving, celebrate with tofu and colonics. Then go home and read Kafka. But don't get your mail. It has demons in it. Demons that will swallow your entire existence and belch out a faint memory. I'm exaggerating for effect. They are minor demons, and probably couldn't do more than give you a boil or an itch.
Anyway, I regret that people get caught up in the poop storm, but such is life, and I'm not being flip. It really is life. It's reality. Forgiving and moving on--that's transcendant...